What Coaches and Parents Should Be Saying (But Usually Aren’t)
What Coaches and Parents Should Be Saying (But Usually Aren’t)
Every athlete is influenced by the people around them.
Parents. Coaches. Teammates.
What gets said in practice, in the car ride home, and on the sidelines shapes how athletes see the sport and themselves.
Most of the time, the intention is good.
But the message is often off.
What We Are Really Trying to Say
Development is not just physical.
It is mental.
What athletes hear consistently becomes how they think.
And how they think determines how they train, compete, and respond to adversity.
If the message is focused on short-term results, athletes will chase short-term results.
If the message is focused on growth, athletes will develop over time.
What the Research Actually Shows
Mental development plays a major role in long-term success.
Carol Dweck shows that athletes who adopt a growth mindset focus on learning and improvement, which leads to better long-term performance [8].
K. Anders Ericsson highlights that improvement comes from focused, intentional practice, not just repetition [6].
The International Olympic Committee also emphasizes creating environments that support development, not just performance [3].
The message athletes hear matters as much as the training they do.
What Is Commonly Said (And Why It Falls Short)
“Just Wrestle More”
This is one of the most common messages.
The idea is simple. More mat time equals more improvement.
The problem is that it ignores how development works.
Without direction, more wrestling can lead to:
-Repeating the same mistakes
-Increased fatigue
-Burnout
“You Need to Win”
Winning is important.
But when it becomes the focus, athletes often:
-Avoid taking risks
-Wrestle cautiously
-Focus on outcomes instead of learning
This can slow development over time.
“You’re Falling Behind”
This message creates pressure.
It leads athletes to compare themselves constantly to others instead of focusing on their own growth.
Over time, this can hurt confidence and motivation.
What Should Be Said Instead
“Let’s Focus on Getting Better”
This shifts attention to improvement.
Athletes begin to:
-Take more risks
-Try new techniques
-Stay engaged in the process
“What Did You Learn?”
After matches or practices, this question builds reflection.
It teaches athletes to think about:
-What worked
-What didn’t
-What to improve next
“Stick With It”
Consistency matters more than quick results.
This message helps athletes stay focused during tough stretches.
“You’re On the Right Path”
Confidence should be built on effort and progress, not just wins.
This reinforces long-term development.
Why This Matters
The environment around an athlete shapes everything.
When the message is:
-Do more
-Win now
-Don’t fall behind
Athletes often:
-Burn out
-Lose confidence
-Focus on the wrong things
When the message is:
-Improve
-Learn
-Stay consistent
Athletes:
-Develop better habits
-Stay engaged longer
-Reach higher levels over time
-How This Applies Across Ages
Youth Athletes:
Focus on encouragement, effort, and enjoyment.
Middle School Athletes:
Begin introducing accountability and reflection while maintaining support.
High School Athletes:
Shift toward ownership, responsibility, and intentional training.
The message evolves, but the focus stays the same.
Development over results.
The Takeaway
What gets said matters.
Athletes hear more than we think.
The goal is not just to push them harder.
It is to guide them better.
Because the right message, repeated over time, builds athletes who:
-Think clearly
-Train with purpose
-Continue improving
And that is what leads to long-term success.
Sources
1. American Academy of Pediatrics – Sports Specialization and Intensive Training in Young Athletes (2016)
2. National Athletic Trainers' Association – Sport Specialization in Young Athletes (2017)
3. International Olympic Committee – Youth Athletic Development Consensus Statement (2015)
4. Jean Côté – Developmental Model of Sport Participation (2007)
5. David Epstein – Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World (2019)
6. K. Anders Ericsson – The Role of Deliberate Practice in Expert Performance (1993)
7. Neeru A. Jayanthi – Sports Specialization in Young Athletes (2013)
8. Carol Dweck – Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (2006)